Shoujo Kakumei Utena

Waiting Still

part 3

I wake up, and for a long time I just stare at the bunk above my head and wonder what all the fuss was about.

Okay, yes; so now I have a ring. But Utena's came under weird circumstances too, didn't it? It's a little odd that people who aren't actually students here keep getting these rings meant for high-performance students in the school.... Part of the Big Conspiracy? Oh yes, I really think it is.

From this perspective, yesterday really a lot more sense. From the time differences to reappearing food to that entire dream with the Voice - which most definitely did not and never could happen - clearly, it was all part of the dream. And all the kinds of hallucinations I had have been documented before as being a side-effect of mind-altering drugs; in fact, I probably wasn't supposed to be able to remember any of what happened yesterday.

Actually, I'm not sure that I DO. But I remember the dream, and I have the ring as proof; they can't make me forget so easily.

I already KNOW there's a Big Conspiracy here - one big enough and broad enough that the police were completely fooled, that kidnapping or possibly murder or worse is involved, and that I'm damned lucky I didn't wake up dead. While hardly a comforting thought, it doesn't bother me - I knew the risks when I came. Worse than this is the fact that if I'm right... then it means someone in the Big Conspiracy knows enough of what I was trying to do that they found it necessary to interfere, and I have no way of knowing who it is or how.

I shift a little bit in my sheets, trying to form a strategy in my head. I can hear Kaoru-sempai breathing softly above me; he seemed so nice last night. I don't want to be over-hasty in judging him. He might not be involved - although if he is, then he's the best liar I've ever known in my life.

Never mind. I'll make it up to him later, but right now, I just don't want to wake him up. Sliding out from under my covers as quietly as possible, I head for the bathroom to take a shower.

I take the ring with me as I step under the water.

It's a weird thing, this ring. Bulky, too round and wide to possibly be comfortable, and yet when it's slipped onto my finger -

And... yet.

When I put it on, it slides along my skin like skin itself, somehow warm and smooth and textured so perfectly that it's contoured to fit exactly on my hand. So perfectly that if I don't really try to think about it - I can forget it's there.

I shudder. With my luck, the ring IS the drug.

Enough paranoia. It's time to get out.

I don't take very long to get ready; in under ten minutes I'm dressed, my hair is brushed, and I'm on my way out the door. Kaoru-sempai's still asleep; I do believe I'll just leave him that way -

"Good morning," he says, and sits up in bed with a smile.

...caught.

"Hi," I say, quietly because his voice was, and let him make the next move.

He slips out of the top bunk, landing lightly on his feet, and pads toward me; then, he holds out his hand. "Kaoru Miki, senior" he says, smiling. "It's a pleasure to meet you."

Senior? HE'S a senior? But he's younger than I am.

I take his hand. "Kisho Kaido, sophomore. The pleasure is mine."

He beams. "Are you hungry? The cafeteria's breakfast is actually pretty good - and I'd love to get to know you better."

He's really making an effort here; I can't shake the feeling that he's genuine... but I have things I need to investigate that really don't need any company.

"I'm... not really hungry..."

"Oh, that's okay, neither am I - I like to take just tea in the morning. Come on, let me show you around, okay?"

Wow; he's good. I hesitate, but it's a losing battle; I already know I can't say "no" to him. Maybe he's right and meeting again the next day is a good thing - or maybe he's just the one they put me with because they knew he'd be hard to refuse.

Maybe I'm getting too paranoid.

"Well... okay, sure. We'll have some tea. Just let me finish packing my bag - I have class in an hour."

"That works. I have a meeting with the student council in an hour, as well. Can I help you?"

"... if you like." He's so... genuine. Big Conspiracies with THIS guy? I can't see it. Wait a minute, student council? How old IS this guy?

"I saw your laptop on the desk," he observes helpfully. "Do you like computers?"

Oooh, buzzword.

I take two minutes to make sure I have everything while we talk - my maps, "weapons," school books and money - and then join him on his way out the door, and by the time we lock it, we've already found so many areas in which we're similar that we're talking like old friends.

I'm sharply aware of my lonlieness since Utena left; and I'm just as aware that if he IS part of the Big Conspiracy, then it was pure genius on someone's part to put us together. And if not - which I'm more inclined to accept - then I just lucked out and got a really nice roommate.

We have breakfast after all, and for a while, I forget to be paranoid.

Once upon a time, four student council members stood around a broken table and were silent. Three faced forward; one faced away. Chairs - one less than needed, and too filthy to use - marked the invisible boundaries of the area's perimeter, and no one moved toward them. Casually, Touga tossed a manilla folder to the slanted tabletop that lay on the ground between them.

"There," he said. "Everything we have on him, although it isn't much. What information is in the data banks wasn't put there by any of us." By 'any of us,' Touga meant anyone native to the school, and this was understood without explanation.

"But then how did he come to be here?" Miki asked, leaning forward over the folder as if to keep anyone from stepping on it. "It's not possible that he just... joined in, is it?"

"He comes from the same school as Utena," Touga offered, and ran his fingers through his hair as if to hide the thin white stripe that ran down it. "Connection?"

"Coincidence," stated Juri decisively.

"Did the End of the World call him as well?" Miki wondered quietly.

"No," said Touga.

"But we thought that about Utena at first, too," Miki pointed out, and Touga shook his head.

"Different circumstances. She had the ring of a duelist before she ever came to this academy. She'd been saved by her 'prince;' Kaido has neither."

"He has a ring now," Miki pointed out, and Touga again shook his head; his hair fell forward over his eyes.

"He has been accepted into what's left of the duels because that was the only way for him to exist in this world. You saw what happened otherwise."

"A 'ghost,' indeed," snorted Juri. "Such idiocy could only come from the freshman classes."

"They didn't know what else to make of him, Juri," Miki corrected, gently. "They could only see him if looking at him directly, and then he was translucent at best. What were they supposed to think?"

"They were supposed to use their heads and not throw a full-blown panic that had to be Taken Back," Juri snapped back at him, and Miki flinched as if hit and fell silent.

"Now, now," Touga interposed, "enough of that. What's done is done; being Taken Back hurts, but we've all survived it. Our concern needs to be for the future."

"We have a future?" Saionji turned finally to face them, eyes locking onto the student council president as though the others did not exist. "We don't have a future. You're only avoiding reality as usual, Setokaichou."

Touga did not seem to consider this statement worthy of a reply. "I suggest that we wait and see what it is that this Kaido wants with our school. He may have nothing to do with the End of the World. He may not be important at all in the scheme of things - merely a sign that the powers that be are finally coming to an end."

"A delicate way of phrasing, Setokaichou," Juri remarked, eyeing him. "We all know the power lay with the Bride and not the End of the World. Why don't you just say so and have done with it?"

"Because, my dear Arisugawa-san, I actually have an instinct for self preservation," Touga replied smoothly, and smiled at her.

Juri glared, and though her fists bunched, she did not attack. "I'm done here," she said, tugging her jacket down with sharp movements. Turning, she marched straight for the elevator and did not look back.

Saionji appeared to be taking this entire line of conversation personally. "So even in all of this, you're still determined to upstage me," he snarled, and Touga looked toward him questioningly.

"What?"

"You know what I'm talking about! You think I don't see?" Saionji threatened vaguely; Miki gently touched his arm

"Saionji - please."

Saionji quieted, but yanked his arm away. "She's right. It's done. I'll take care of this myself." He turned as well and marched for the elevator.

Touga sighed. "Anything to add, Miki-kun?" he asked.

"No, Setokaichou," Miki said quietly, looking at the folder with a sad expression.

Touga studied him. "You had breakfast with him, did you not?"

For a moment, Miki was silent; and then - even though he knew better - he tried to make Touga understand. "Setokaichou... he... he doesn't BELONG here."

"I thought that was the point, Miki-kun," Touga replied, still studying him.

"No, you don't understand. He REALLY doesn't belong here. The way he thinks - the way he's built. He's intelligent, don't get me wrong, but he's not MEANT for a conflict like this, he doesn't belong in the duels at ALL - "

"Then perhaps he should have been more careful about which school database he decided to hijack, hm?" Touga replied, and ducked to snatch up the folder again. He tossed his head, flipping his hair over one shoulder and out of his face; when on his left side, the red covered the white nicely. "There's nothing we can do about it, Miki-kun. Don't get too attached."

Miki looked at him. Defiance - subtle and rare - flashed through his eyes, and he took a deep breath to answer.

"Careful," Touga commented lightly, his timbre just short of warning; Miki subsided.

"Are we through here, Setokaichou?" he asked quietly, eyes on the ground; and Touga nodded.

"We are." With that, he turned toward the elevator.

Miki studied the spot where Kaido's folder had lain, then followed Touga in silence.

He had nothing else to say. It seemed as though his mind had been made up for him.

Algebra. I HATE algebra. You'd think that a school based around some Big Conspiracy might have had the good sense to do away with such proletarian opressive nonsense as algebra, but noooo... I still have to do it. I swear it's the red tape of the mathematics world.

It probably would have been better if this particular teacher didn't seem to be high on some sort of drug, but things stand, he's really no help. Most math teachers I've had were eminently practical people; but I think this guy missed that quality when it was being handed out. He thinks math equals enlightenment, which means that in the middle of his lessons he'll suddenly start spouting off on some higher truth in the balance of all things.

Most of my classmates' eyes glaze over; I'm lucky I like to draw and have something to do with all the extra notepaper I have left.

And speaking of drawing....

Afternoon; classes done; no homework to speak of, no company - it's time to go on a reconnaissance mission.

First things first: rule number one of combat is to know your terrain like the back of your hand before end up having to run over it like hell at night. I know it sounds ridiculous; but the fact still remains that I want to check my campus map to make sure all is well, even if it's not as off as it was yesterday in the drug dream. Now that my classes are done for the day, I'm going to walk the breadth of the campus and see what I can find.

All right; so I'm in the blue rose dorm, which is technically the north dorm; good enough as a reference. I'll just start walking.

It's a pleasant enough afternoon. The people streaming by me still freak me out a little, just because of that dream; at least this time, they actually see me. I never thought I'd be grateful to get the usual looks of dismissal that belong to all nerds, but compared to being treated like a ghost... geez. I'd take this any day.

....Hm; puzzling. According to my map, right there should be the end of the buildings on campus - just here, beyond the little path bordering the dorms east and south at right angles, but instead, I'm finding a whole other set of dorms. Dilapidated dorms; these things have boarded up windows and unkempt landscaping. I suspect the insides aren't much better; hope no one has to live in them.

Still, inhabited or not, their presence differs from my map considerably, so that means I have to change my map. Sitting under another ugly stone fountain, I spread my map out on the ground and start sketching. This one over here... and there's a funny gate with an arch there, and -

A shadow falls across my view.

My pencil sketchings are very light, so with them shadowed like that I can't see them; I look up to see if I can get this guy to move.

"Excuse me?"

Whoa. Big guy. BIG guy. Wearing a hakama and holding a bokken and glaring down at me like I am personally responsible for every little problem in his life, and the thought crosses my mind that he might not be inclined to do anything I ask.

He scowls. "You are Kaido Kisho," he informs me, sort of hoarsely. There are dark circles under his eyes.

"Um... last I checked, yes." Oh, this won't end well.

"RaaaAAH!" he says, or something very close to it, and suddenly is swinging his bokken RIGHT at my head -

"Gah!" I shout, and fling myself backwards; visions of yesterdays madness spin through my head as his bokken comes cracking right down into the side of the fountain, right where I was. "Wh... what are you DOING?"

He just sort of growls and advances, moving like he really knows how to use his bokken and plans to demonstrate on me. Well, I'm out of options, and was not much of a fool about these things; he obviously won't be reasoned with, so I just flip around and run like hell.

"Come BACK HERE!" he shrieks - yes, shrieks, like some weirdo girl - and comes pounding after me.

I was right, they're all nuts, I decide giddily, and wonder if I have enough adrenaline to keep me ahead of him before he can catch me. I've never been athletic, but I AM fast - endurance might be a problem -

"Help!" I cry, but by the time any of these snobs look up, we're already past them and still running. Instead of helping, they start to stream after us like we're heading to a ballgame. Oh, just peachy.

I try to dodge; twice, I double past him, managing by dint of pure dumb luck to trip him on the last go, which gives me a few seconds' advantage which I try to use by running even more like hell. Adults - adults can fix this. Remembering where the registrar's office was yesterday, I make a sharp turn left and head for that.

Only... it doesn't work.

No. No, this can't be happening. No, this is just like the drug-dream of yesterday and that was just a dream -

A brick wall which was not there yesterday is in my path, and I skid into it because there's no time to stop.

"AAAAAH!" the psycho screams as he comes at me, gripping his bokken above his head with both hands like he plans to split me in half.

My brain is working without me, and that's very good, because I'm sure I'm going to die.

He's coming at me - wide open - not guarding at all, only focused on bringing his bokken down, but he's aiming for hitting me here against the wall and therefore if I push off the wall with my feet and leap forward -

I will never be able to explain just what happened. I just suddenly found myself moving TOWARD him, with my fist out like Astroboy's, and through some miracle of God it and his jaw connect.

But the miracles don't end there. Somehow, somewhere, through some extraordinary means, my fist doesn't just connect, it wins. Physics don't apply; he just goes flying back with his feet flying up and his head going down, and lands hard enough on his back that just hearing his oof makes me feel like losing my breath. Of course, I don't SEE him land; that's because I'm rebounding the other way and then curling bodily around my ruined hand and wondering what the hell just happened.

Now that it doesn't matter any more, people are gathering around now and commenting and staring and asking questions, and I shudder trying to fight the flashbacks from yesterday's dream. But this ISN'T yesterday's dream; just the fact that no one is looking at me cinches that.

Somebody's shouldering his way forward through the crowd.

"Move - out of the way, let me see - oh, gods, Saionji..."

Red hair. Why do I remember red hair?

He kneels quickly and checks bokken-man's pulse, leaning over him like they're completely familiar with each other. Even I can't help but notice that he's effortlessly holding the attention of those portions of the crowd that aren't focused on bokken-man. Red looks up at me, grim, and not quite accusing. "What happened here?"

Good question.

"I... um... don't know. He just... decided to attack me," I say, and my voice chooses now to crack like the traitor it is. Okay, fine. I'll just stop talking, that'll show it.

Red sighs. "This is a mess," he pronounces, and runs his hand through his hair.

"I didn't do anything to him," I protest, because now I'm getting evil looks from the bokken-man section of the crowd.

"Probably not," Red agrees, "but I think you'd still better come with me." With that he stands, flipping bokken-man over his shoulder like the he weighs mere ounces, and looks at me. "This way," he says, and starts walking.

"Y-yeah." Oh, gods; where are we going? The nurse? The principal? I was right, this isn't ending well...

The crowd of people parts for him like the proverbial Red Sea - pun intended - and we're on our way.

He walks steadily. I have to trot to keep up because EVERYONE around here is tall, and after a few minutes the silence becomes too much. "My bag," I share, knowing it's stupid but HAVING to say something.

"Your what?" he says, turning to look at me.

"My bag. My knapsack, and my books - I left them all over by one of the fountains...." and now I'm trying to figure out just where that is, because my sense of direction has been completely screwed by this adventure.

"Oh, don't worry about that," he says, like it's completely negligible. "I'll have someone pick it up for you."

Pick it up for me? What the hell is he, student body president?

"I'm Kiryuu Touga, by the way - call me Touga. I'm the student body president."

....why are only my stupid guesses the good ones? "Kisho Kaido," I said, studying our shadows and sort of vaguely calculating how many of my steps make up one of his on average. "I'm... I just transferred here."

"Why?" he asks.

...oh, gods. I never thought anyone would ask me that. I know - know - that the gut-clenching caught feeling shows on my face for a moment, and I stammer, trying to think of a good answer.

"What in the world happened here?" cries a voice, and some random woman in a nurse's uniform comes flying out of the building in front of us and toward Kiryuu-sempai and his burden. She's fussing and carrying on and has all three of us inside her office before I can say bandaid, and doesn't stop talking the entire time we're there.

I can't say this makes me unhappy. I never answered Kiyruu-sempai's question.

Since my hand is only bruised (bruised, NOT broken, there is some good in the world), I get to leave almost as soon as she's wrapped it; but Kiyruu-sempai opts to stay until bokken-man wakes up. Saoinji, I think he said the name was.

Well, I have no intention of staying around until bokken-man wakes up. In fact, when bokken-man wakes up, I plan to be as far away from him as is currently possible.

Nobody made any excuses for bokken-man. Apparently, insanity is his norm; but that's not really what I care about now. I can't avoid the fact that for the second day in a row, I'm retreating to my dorm feeling like I've gone head-first through some kind of plough and with every intention of staying there for the rest of the night. I'm a coward.

... and my bag with all my belongings is somehow sitting right inside my door.

Thank all the good that exists in the world that Miki isn't home from classes yet; I like him a little too much to want him to see me freaking out just now.

I don't know how my bag got back here. I don't know who brought it in, who had a key, or what they saw if they went through it. I don't even know how Red "Call Me Touga" sent out the word.

I. Don't. Know. Anything. And I'm beginning to feel that I'm in WAY over my head.

Okay; That thought pattern is not allowed. New gameplan: take a HOT bath, force myself to go to dinner; act normal, and be damned if I let this little mindgame mess me up before I've even begun.

Hope you heard that, Big Conspiracy leader. My mission's more compelling than this. Utena is... and that's really what matters.

.

.

fire

.

.

.

fire and water, and cracking stone

echoing like gunshots

in my ears, in the walls

skin

feel of flesh, soft

moving

against me

soft hair -

...Utena?

roses

more fire

....pain

PAIN

cutting

slicingpain, through my heart

scissoring back and forth, like the skin

through me, and

I'm dying

the end is here

I'M DYI-

Suddenly, I'm sitting straight up in bed, gasping, gripping my sweaty pajamas and staring at nothing.

What in the WORLD.... A nightmare? But I don't HAVE nightmares! I haven't had one since I was a CHILD!

Unsure, making certain I'm REALLY awake, I touch my own face, registering I'm soaking and even my hair is wet with sweat; I'm going to have to go take a shower. I shiver, a little; some weird thing from the nightmare... it reminds me of the Voice from the other day, although I'd be hard pressed to explain how. I'm not sure how that makes me feel.

Okay. Enough of this. Out of bed, to the bathroom -

Miki's not back yet, and that's okay. I have no idea if it's usual for him to be out at two in the morning, but I do NOT need company right now, and it's a relief not to have to face him.

Time to splash cold water repeatedly on my face. Utena... I'm beginning to wonder if the reason you disappeared was just because you ran like hell from this utterly insane place. I miss you so much. If I knew where you were, I'd go right to you -

And suddenly bedroom door slams open and somebody comes screeching into the room.

"ONIISAN!"

What? Gods, what is it now?

"OniiiiiiiiSAN!" shrieks SOME irritated female - in MY room, no less - and suddenly the bathroom door flies open and I'm being grabbed by the lapels of my pajamas and THROWN away from her toward the door. I go stumbling backwards through it because it's open, and slam into the balcony railing hard enough to lose my breath.

"WHERE IS HE!" shrieks the witch.

"How the hell should I know?!" I shout back at her, deciding that since no one else is sane here, my best bet is to play along until I can get out. And that's when I get a good look at her.

But... but Miki is a boy.

"...M....iki?" I choke, clutching my shirt closed with one hand and leaning against the (thankfully stable) bannister with the other.

She stares. "Miki? I'm his SISTER, you utter and complete loser - where IS he!?"

Sister? Twin sister... "I told you, I don't know!"

"YOU should know! He left YOU a note!"

"He.... wha?"

She sighs and bends forward, reaching into her blouse - ya, that's a she, I did NOT need to see that - and pulling out a piece of paper, which she thrusts under my nose. "Read it!" she snaps, and what am I going to do, argue?

"All right, all right," I say, trying to mollify, and hold it at arm's length; my glasses are still in my room.

Kaido,

I hope I get the chance to come home and take this back before you read it. If, however, you DO find it tomorrow morning, then you have to promise me something, even though I'm not there:

Get out as quickly as you can.

I'm sorry I can't give you any more information, Kaido. Just please believe me that things are getting too dangerous now. Please - leave.

-Miki

"....Wh-what?"

"You don't know where he is?" she asks, her voice quiet enough now to sounds like she actually cares.

"No, I don't know where he is. Where did you get this?" Now I'M concerned; and I can forgive her for being psycho for the moment because she's stopped being psycho at me.

"Your bag. I don't know where he is." She eyes me, hard; how the hell could I have ever mistaken this witch for Miki? "But you know what? I can guess. Come on, nerd-boy. You're coming with me." And with that she grabs my wrist and starts dragging me toward the stairs.

Well. At least the mystery of my backpack is now solved.

"W-wait, I need my glasses!" I shout at her, even though the thing I should be shouting is "let the hell GO of me, I'm not going with you!" - but apparently, my brain used up all its good sense today dealing with bokken-man.

"Oh. FINE," she snaps, and drags me back into my room. In moments, she's thrust my glasses into my hands and is towing me down the stairs again, obviously not prepared to listen to any kind of argument.

It's occurring to me right about now that I should have demanded shoes. Oh, well; too late now.

The woods, huge and rounded, balloon before us like they're resting on a giant mushroom. Along the base, high enough to discourage trespassing, there's a wide, white wall; and that's where we seem to be heading.

"He went to the castle. I know my brother. He's tried this before. You did something to him, nerd-boy, and he went to the castle. This is your fault!"

Yeah, whatever. I would like to know just what we're doing out at the edge of the woods in the middle of the night. Miki's out here? Sure; and I'm a bunny rabbit.

We finally come to the wall, and I'm surprised to see that there's a door in the wall. Of course, it might be more of a secret if there weren't another big ugly fountain right just a few feet away...

She points to the handle and gives me a little shove, and I regret again that I didn't ask for shoes; the grass is even colder by the fountain. "Open it," she says.

I come much closer to asking 'why me?' than would be good for my health, but somehow, I contain it.

"Okay, okay," I say, and go to grab the handle; if this thing's locked, I swear I'm going to look for him on my own -

And then... something happens.

I can't explain it at first; there's a tingling, a warmth that I don't understand racing pleasantly through my hand, followed by a tiny splash of water.

"Ugh!" I say, pulling my hand back because that was unexpected; and then suddenly, everything starts to shake.

Right in front of my face, the wall is coming down.

"Look out!" I cry, leaping back and running into her and trying to take her with me, but she acts like she KNEW this was going to happen and WANTS it - and in the moment we tussle for control, I see why.

It's not coming down - it's REFORMING.

Pieces of the wall begin to slide like parts of a puzzle, trembling deep in the very earth as they shift - impossibly, smoothly, effortlessly angling as water pours from somewhere, beautiful and perfect, splashing onto them and catching the light like daydreams. And with no more impetus than this, the pieces fold and curve into such delicate, perfect beauty that takes my breath away.

It's a rose. A rose like I've never seen, huge, each and every petal even more detailed than the ones on my ring, and I KNOW by looking at it that there are too many tons in that thing for it to be so easily, perfectly poised the way it is. I touch the petal closest; smooth, powerful stone, warm - how can it be warm, that makes no sense... And it's too heavy; it can't support it's own weight. This whole THING is impossible.

In the center of this rose is a doorway; a gaping causeway leading into darkness; a perfect entrance in the heart of stone, and I'm almost afraid if I go in I won't come out alive - but Kozue leaves me no choice.

"Miki, we're coming!" she shouts, and with that she takes my hand, and in we plunge.

....and then, there is light.

"Miki!" she cries - and runs. I'm half blinded; there's light everywhere, even though I know there CAN'T be because it's night, and I can't see where she is, if she went toward the... the...

...stairs?

STAIRS; like saying Mount Everest is "high." Spiral, fantastic, they spin far above my head at an impossible angle until they peak on a plane above my head that cannot be there - flat, a disc, large enough that it should have toppled, and above that -

...there's a castle in the sky.

Improbable, angular, almost Slavic - suspended in the air by nothing that I can see and throwing prisms of light off its stained glass skin like a child strewing flower petals. There are gaping holes in the sides - pieces of it missing, like what would happen with any castle left untouched for too long, which adds an uncomfortable air of realism to this that churns my stomach because surely if I'd imagined a floating upside-down castle it would have been PERFECT -

Catch your breath, Kaido. You're breathing too fast; and where did Kozue go?

"... Kozue?"

Oh, great, she's missing. She's not running up the stairs - I'd see her. But she thinks Miki is up here, that much was clear, and if she tried to get to the top under the castle -

- which is in the air, so what bits do fall come down right onto that platform -

I don't think about it. I can't. I just start to climb.

Scent of roses; feel of stone - and as I come to the top, there's screaming, screaming which is definitely Kozue, and as I'm watching as I'm walking I actually SEE a stone fall from that castle and crash to the platform below.

I begin to run.

Kozue... cannot enter. Or does not - she just stands on the edge of the stairs, and I have no way of knowing why because she's not my focus now, anyway.

In the center of this platform, on his knees and gripping a sword with blood all over is Miki. "No! Kozue, I mean it! Get out of here!"

Another chunk of castle falls from the sky, this one landing close enough that its landing sprays us all with stone shrapnel. Miki is closest, and he flinches as it draws blood on his cheek. I don't see exactly where it cuts him because I can't look at him; something else holds my attention.

Stretched before him is a pathway. Simple, pure, straight, it's a pathway leading to something I can't quite see....

Paradise

No - no, not paradise, I don't know why my brain supplied that word before any other, but I know it can't be that. A narrow bridge to another door, somehow too gleaming, too perfect and white; it holds my eyes, and I know, know, that if I walked that path I would find...

Eternity

...some Other Voice, in my head -

Stop it! STOP IT! Those are NOT MY WORDS!

Kozue screams, grabbing my attention again in time to follow her gaze and see another piece fall from the castle, a big one this time, a full turret with windows and scrolling so delicate along its length that I'm moved by the mere beauty of it -

- even as it's smashed to nothing on the platform, glass and stone flying everywhere like chaos from a bomb, and a small chunk hits Kozue on the head and she falls.

"Kozue!" Miki cries, his voice utterly hoarse, but I'm already moving, because she's falling backwards and that means off the platform -

I grab her in time, just barely in time, and it's strength I DON'T have to pull her back up with me. We lay frozen like that, suspended at right angles in this horrid moment of time, and I can't cry for help because all my strength is concentrated on holding this girl from falling too far, too long -

The bandages on my hand help. They're giving me enough traction to hold her.

An ominous cracking sound above me; like splitting the bones of the gods, and I look up and see that another section is about to come down -

Right over Miki.

"Get her out of here!" he's crying, a horrible, torn quality to his voice, and suddenly I'm being presented with a Choice.

Save Kozue, if I can.

Save Miki, if I can.

Or -

Come to me.... eternity dwells here.

Oh my gods, I am going crazy -

"Shut up! That is NOT MY VOICE!"

Miki stares at me, then looks down the path toward that door into Paradise, and then back at me again; only now he looks like he's the one seeing a ghost.

"K... Kaido..." he begins, and then tries to get up and can't. Something is wrong with his leg -

And Kozue is slipping. I can't hold her. I can't. I -

Utena could.

...you son of a BITCH.

I cry out loudly, flinging my arm over and gripping her somehow with both of my hands, and I'm sliding and there's nothing to brace myself on and she feels heavier than I am but we're running out of time -

Miki tries to stand again, even though he can't, and there's another breaking sound above us and I know I have no time left at all.

"AAAAAAAH!" I scream, throwing myself backwards and straining until I think my shoulders are tearing off my body, scraping her badly along the edge of the stone as I pull her back onto the platform, and then with no time no time no time to spare I run toward Miki -

Who looks like he's passed out, curled on the floor with bloodied hands still wrapped around his sword, and that entire section of castle above us is falling -

Falling; slow motion, turned just a little to the side like one half let go before the other, almost elegant as it comes, and its shadow spreads around us like growing death. And there is no more time. I throw myself over Miki's body, cover both our heads, and wait for the inevitable.

{to part 2} {back to the index} {to part 4}