EPISODE NINE - THE CASTLE WHERE ETERNITY DWELLS

  SCHOOLGIRLS: Bishounen and unbelievably phallic kendo equipment!?! Life is so GOOD to us!
  SAIONJI: Die.
  TOUGA: With a shinai? No thank you.
  SAIONJI: Die die die diediediediedie.
  TOUGA: Methinks you're taking this a wee bit too seriously.
  UTENA: Wow, all that buildup and the actual event took... what, a second and a half? Hum. What does that remind me of?
  SAIONJI: It's YOUR fault! You're the one who's stolen Anthy's love from me! EVIL MONKEY THING!
  UTENA: You are the biggest freak I know.
  SAIONJI: It's YOUR fault! You're the one who's stolen Anthy's love from me! EVIL TOMBOY THING!
  UTENA: To reiterate, you're a freak. And you suck at duelling.
  SAIONJI: I do not! Shut up!
  UTENA: You've had three duels that I've seen. How many of them did you win?
  SAIONJI: ...shut up. It's only cause he... um... uh... shut up! I'm gonna kick his ass! And your ass, too! And then I'm gonna kick Anthy's ass! Again!
  UTENA: 'Course you are. Look, do you love Anthy or not?
  SAIONJI: ...I met a girl in a coffin once... Touga did something to her, and it affected me profoundly. Of course, I have NO idea what that something was, but I'm pretty sure it involved sex, and... oh, spiffy. A flashback.
  LITTLE TOUGA: I bet the missing girl is in this one.
  LITTLE SAIONJI: You are FREAKING ME OUT. And justifiably so. Leave the dead people alone.
  LITTLE GIRL 2: Do you mind? I'm trying to die here.
  LITTLE TOUGA: Come out.
  LITTLE GIRL 2: No.
  LITTLE TOUGA: Right-o. Off we go, then.
  SAIONJI: And then she came out. Eternity was involved in this somehow.
  UTENA: ...that is so far beyond creepy it's almost funny. Stay the hell away from me, you friggin' psychopath.
  JURI: So to recap, she's a sentimental wuss.
  TOUGA: Exploitable weakness. Rock on.
  ROSES: FWOOSH. Thought we'd gone, didn't you?
  UTENA: I was a grade-school bride-to-be, and... no, it was a good thing... oh, shut up.
  TOUGA: I didn't say anything..
  UTENA: Shut up anyway. And quit grabbing me!
  TOUGA: But I'm your prince.
  UTENA: You have two seconds to let go, and then I'm going to crush your testicles.
  TOUGA: Right-o.
  SAIONJI: Oh goodie, more letters from my nihilistic penpal.
  SHADOW GIRLS: There's no such thing as magic. Or friends. HA! Suckers!
PHONE: Your finacee's been kidnapped. Her kidnapper, however, is a moron, and took her straight to the duelling arena.
  UTENA: I'm not a lesbian. And how can I trust you?
  PHONE: You can't. Click.
  UTENA: Good enough for me.
  ANTHY: Can't you just molest me in the equipment room again? You're not allowed to take me here unless you're my pimp du jour!
  SAIONJI: When did we get that rule?
  ANTHY: ...I just made it up. But still!
  SAIONJI: And people wonder why I hit you.
  UTENA: Here I come to save the d- Oof! Geez, unconscious drowing guy, way to ruin my moment!
 

SAIONJI: ...I'm not dead...
  UTENA: Good, because mouth-to-mouth was out of the question. What happened?
  SAIONJI: Eh, I could tell you who kicked my ass- or I could just babble cryptically! Yahooie!
  UTENA: Freak. I'm going to find my roommate.
  SAIONJI: Fiancee.
  UTENA: I am NOT a lesbian. And when did the Gigantic Rose from Hell get up here?
  SAIONJI: Anthy, what in the name of all that is holy are you doing in that coffin?
  ANTHY: ...
  SAIONJI: ...'kay, works for me.
  ARENA: FOOM.
  UTENA: Well, THIS is trippy. Did someone slip me a mickey?
  CASTLE: CRUNCH.
  SAIONJI: Gigglegiggle.
  UTENA: I feel like I'm in a video game.
  ANTHY: ...don't mind me.
  UTENA: Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
  SAIONJI: Well, that's about the limit for my psyche. How 'bout you guys?
  UTENA: Can you hang on a sec? I'm trying to revive the dead girl over here.
  ANTHY: ...yo.
  SAIONJI: All right, to HELL with this! EVERYBODY DIES!
  TOUGA: Oh, of all the freaking luck...
  UTENA: That's what you get for trying to grope me, you pervert.
  TOUGA: What, no sympathy boink?
  UTENA: No, but I will let you cop a feel due to injury and immense guilt.
  TOUGA: It's a start. Not to say that this will disrupt my busy schedule of orgies and backstabbing, natch.
  SAIONJI: You all suck.
  TOUGA: And yet WE'RE all still enrolled in school.
  SAIONJI: ...shut up.
  END EPISODE NINE
 

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